☞ playwriting ☜
CLIFF: Sometimes I think “end it all right now”.
JOHN THE HORSE: No, that can’t be my line. He just said he was going to end it all.
THE STAGEHAND: Horse: “I’m afraid I’m not qualified to help you”.
CLIFF: Sometimes I think “end it all right now”.
JOHN THE HORSE: Are you doing Meisner?
THE STAGEHAND: Horse!
CLIFF: Sometimes I think “end it all right now”!!
The Prompt and Unintended Second Schooling of John the Horse
Loosely based on The Sudden and Accidental Re-Education of Horse Johnson by Douglas Taylor–which I have not read–The Prompt and Unintended Second Schooling of John the Horse is my best guess as to what the original play is about: a horse with a PhD.
A 10-minute play, 5 actors
CHARLOTTE: John, have you given any more thought to changing this awful wallpaper?
JOHN: Yes.
CHARLOTTE: Really? Because I was thinking–
JOHN: Yes. I’ve decided it would be a waste of time, seeing as we’ve never once had guests in this room, and that is that. We’ve discussed this. Don’t you remember?
CHARLOTTE: Well yes, but–
John takes notes.
JOHN:Acute memory loss. Hyper-fixations. You simply must rest.
CHARLOTTE: But perhaps replacing it would–
JOHN: Darling, you are clearly suffering. Sit by the window; you need some air.
The Woman in the wallpaper
Music by Dawson Atkin, Book & Lyrics by Maddy Noble
“People need to stop trying to adapt The Yellow Wallpaper”
- Faculty, when we pitched this idea
“That was the best adaptation of The Yellow Wallpaper we’ve seen”
- Faculty, after we presented this show
A twenty-minute musical, 3 actors
ERIN (To AÄRON): She said she doesn’t know them. I believe her. They don’t even look like / the same couple.
AÄRON: I don’t know where the other ones went! I can’t show up with no one!
ERIN (To JESS): They said... Look, they’re looking for an American, and you fit–
AÄRON (Fed up with the door): Deze Godverdomme deur!
CHARLIE: You have to leave the key in for a sec.
JESS: Charlie?! / What is happening?!
CHARLIE: Yeah! Jess! Hey! You can’t–You have to leave the key in for a sec and then pull it out quickly. It... Otherwise it doesn’t read it.
We hear them try it. A distinctly negative beep.
CHARLIE: Just like... In, “one Mississippi,” out.
They try it again. Unsuccessful.
Room service
Jess is engaged to Charlie. Charlie’s been kidnapped by Aäron. Aäron is in love with Erin. Erin is the Dutch-English translator. She also has a gun. Aäron lost theirs. Wait, Jess was kidnapped too. With Charlie? Where did Aäron and Erin go? Who the hell is Mrs. Shui Yijun? Henk is trying to order room service.
A one-act play, 6 actors
The spotlight expands to fit the NARRATOR. They pick up the fifty-dollar bill.
NARRATOR: There’s a big economic divide in the world. Some of you can’t see shit from back there!
The NARRATOR glares at the back of the audience as if staring into the sun. They give an exaggerated “over here” wave.
NARRATOR: Some of you, on the other hand, can see that this is a fifty-dollar bill, not a ten-dollar bill. (To one patron in the front row) Would you confirm?
The patron confirms.
NARRATOR: Louder. They can’t hear you in the back; they’re poor.
how very brecht of you
A business man, a poor man, and just a man sit in the park. They talk about trickle-down economics.
A five-minute play, 4 actors
